(Mat 5:3 NKJV) "Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Why would Gays attend one of the most anti-gay church in Singapore? I asked a friend who attends the church of Our Saviour?. He knew Patrick J. Lee (b. 1955), the former Church of Our Saviour Pastor who exibits and plays out his deep traumatic hurt and experiences by rambling out the voices of condemnation spoken to him when the church tried to "cure" him. Alas, there seem little hope for people such as them, emotionally, and spiritually bruised and crushed, and suffering from a deep and continuous Emotional and psychological trauma by finding out they were gay and having to deal with the church's strong condemnation. The inner conflict and turmoil have caused many to loose faith in God, and soo leave the church. Those who stayed fared even worst!.

Many live a double life, some married but still have relationships with gay men outside of marriage. They stay in the marriage out of a Christian love and commitment despite having no natural affection. In fact, being regarded as the ultimate in the anti-gay mantra is for the gay men to be married and have kids. But they do not live happily ever after, and the natural inclination is far too difficult to surpress. Nothing is impossible yes by the Blood of Christ, but one would not ask a straight men to marry another men, because in the long run whatever artificial constraint we imposed cannot be sustained and they would soon gyrate to have external affairs with a women. Sadly, the wife of gay men are to be pitied, being used as if to cure the gay men but never finding the natural love and affection. It is a choice, yes, a choice to come against God's ordained sexual orientation. You can;t kick against the rock and soonner or later there will be a fall as in the case even of the mightiest such as the Rev Ted Haggard. The most unwise choices for a gay man is to get married to a woman.

Once the choices have been made to get married, the options are quite limited. Can we deny them of divorce for an intrinsic incompatibility? What has a gay men to do with a straight woman? Nothing. They got married because they have made the church and its religious dogma as a god rather than following Jesus Christ. They had sacrificed themselves upon the altar of a man made church. In such extreme incompatibility, it is best that a quick end to marriage be arranged so that both parties are set free, the man and the wife. There is freedom in Christ, when each is free to be who God created them as. A Gay men in a straight marriage is very messy and living a lie which sooner or later will be impossible to sustain. Families will be destroyed by this lie of the church forcing gay men to get married.

The first time I met a group of Gay Christian men was not more than 5 years ago when I came out. They were very different from a normal City Harvest or New Creation Cell group. They were very loud as if almost unnatural and hiding something within. There is a mask to hide what is within even though they were out of the closets and with friends. It seems that they have just come out of jail after 20 years being locked up and tortured emotionally. There is deep within an intense hopelessness, fear and conflict. The behaviours were extreme and emotional as if suffering from a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They do, say, and act the extreme of ways, that I have never seen so common in Christian circles. It is not as easy to give band-aid solutions. How many times must we say "God loves You?", for the damage and very deep woundings have been done by the church and their self condemnation due to the homophobia of the Church. Soon, one by one, many of the Gay Christians would leave the church, for their internalised hate and Christian conflict was too much to bear. There is little that can be done.

I am not surprised that there are many Gay Christians at New Creation Church, a church that focused on God's Grace. Many of my friends attend NCC because they need the grace of God, to live each day. Despite all, they are still hanging in by God's grace and mercy. Even though the church may reject them from the pulpit with Pastor Prince making degrading jokes, they still go, because there they find God's love and grace. It is not the people, it is the supernatural manifestation of God's grace and mercy because that is what is preached in that church though they do not always do what they preach. Gay Christians have been given so little grace nor mercy, and have deprived of so much - the personification of what Jesus said, being poor in the spirit. But out of that poverty, God will give them the Kingdom of Heaven, the fullness of God's grace and love. Where God's Grace is being preached, that is where God's grace is being released powerfully into the lives of Gay people to accept how God has created them. Like the war in Gaza where the doctors simply have no resources to take care of the many wounded, I have seen too many broken people and broken lives because our christianity has forced them to be someone they were not. There are just too many people, too many lives destroyed until it becomes common and expected and no longer stir any outrage of injustice and harm caused by the fundamentalist christians who even care far less.

Gay Christians are coming out of the closet younger and younger, when once even the whole life will be lived in the closet. The young ones below 20s will have far less religious baggage than those who have struggled for a life time. They are coming out in droves and with the self confidence and acceptance because of the information about gays and Christianity available through the internet, the many meeting places, pubs, and Gay Christian groups that was simply not there 10 years ago.

God's heart today is for those whose faith have kept them in the Church, whose faith has kept them in Christ and believing in God despite all the condemnation that the church has imposed upon them. They have kept the faith, the good run in very stromy seas. And God's plea tonight to Gay Christians is to come out, and not to live in the closet. God's heart today is also for the not so young whose lives has been wrecked and wounded because of the false teachings in the church against gays. You may be married and have kids but living a double live. You may be no longer be attending church but living a quiet live as best you could - you and God. The word of God today is to come out and accept yourself for God will return those wasted years where the locust have eaten, the many good years of your life destroyed by others. Get out of the closet, don't live in darkness nor in your fears or conflict but live as God has created you, a gay man of woman. God knows you are Gay, He knew it when you were born. You can't hide and run forever, from yourself and from God. He's calling you from a life of wasted years. In Christ, He will return those wasted years when we are honest to ourselves and to God. Dont walk in darness, let the Light set you free. God is calling you....

Wasted Years

Wasted years, wasted years, oh, how foolish,
As you walk on in darkness and fears;
Turn around, turn around, God is calling,
He's calling you from a life of wasted years.

Have you wander along on life's pathway;
have you lived without love, a life of fears;
Have you searched for lives hidden meaning
Or is your life filled with long long wasted years

Wasted years, wasted years, oh, how foolish,
As you walk on in darkness and fears;
Turn around, turn around, God is calling,
He's calling you from a life of wasted years.

Search for wisdom and seek understanding,
There is someone who knows and always hears;
Give it up! Give it up! The Load you're bearing!
You can't go on in a life of wasted years.

by Wally Fowler