|What is your dream? what is your calling|
Swing low, sweet chariot
I looked over
what did I see
Sometimes I'm up, and sometimes I'm down,
The brightest day that I can say,
Do we dare to dream. Sometimes we come to a season of life where all our dreams are fallen. We dare not dream anymore for mere survival from day to day is our calling.
Perhaps dreams are reserved for those who has reached self actualization, with a big earning income, and a large BMW/Audi parked prominently outside the church, or business class air tickets enjoying the quiet serenity of the first class airport lounges.
For many gay christians who grew up three decades ago, going through the reconciliation of their faith and sexuality, facing condemnation of church, and family and having to hide in the closet and denied of loving relationships, all our dreams are no more.
We ponder of what might have been, for there is not much life and faith left to go on. We have lost too much. We are angry and bitter because we have been denied so much in life. So much have been taken away from us, our right for existence, our right to marry and to have mutually loving relationships.
We struggle to give grace knowing that our lives are over.
For the younger gay christians, there is hope for surely the laws will change very soon and the tide of acceptance coming. But for the "old men", we are left to ponder the next life.
We are asked to forgive and to forget in Jesus Christ which is easy to say if you have a wife, and a few kids, a million or two in the bank account. Yet, we walk alone, pondering and wondering, and accepting life's dreadful fate.
The Cross of pain and suffering becomes so real to us, and we pray to God for resurrection.
Acts 2:17 “‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.
Yet, the bible says that for the work and expansion of the Kingdom of God in the last days, it is the Holy spirit that will pour upon us visions and dreams, and many will start to prophesy about the work and the move of the Holy Spirit.
For many of us however, our dream in our current struggles is to see the chariots of God to carry us home, to go across the Jordan river, to the land of fruit and honey where we shall have no lack and where we will find peace at last.
I like the song, "Swing Low, Sweet Chariots" for it captures the deep pain, loss, and struggles of the negro Christian life, and the longing and aspiration of a much better life to come in heaven.
When the life in the wide open fields is so burdersome and arduous, we look up to the heavens for the sweet chariots to come and carry us home, away from our current struggles.
We dream of the band of angels coming to bring us home to a much better life in heaven. We needed to be carried home for we don't have much strength to go on.
Our dreams and calling are over we cried out to God. We smile in acceptance of our lot and our only dream left is to see the sweet chariots of God bringing us home. May it "swing low" enough to fetch us.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus.
God may bring us to go across our Jordan river, not to our home in heaven yet, but to our dreams and destiny. Surely, when our vision grows dim, the Holy Spirit will carry us and renew our dreams once again.
Our struggles, pain, and difficult journey being a gay christian may all have been a part of our calling. Have we not suffered and be in jail of our closets, innocent yet condemned for the last three decades, where could we have developed God's love, grace and mercy.
We have been changed, molded, and softened through our faith journey of life which has humbled us to walk alone in the the hot and lonely desert. There we found Jesus, and the rivers of life, and be led beside streams of living water to eat of the tree of life.
We become the gentle lambs of God.
Through it all, we have understood the bible, studied it over many times, what it had meant in our religious journey to reconcile our Christian faith and sexuality. We found a deeper walk in Christ.
We have prayed often for many days and weeks, for God to take the cup of suffering from our lives, for being gay, finally accepting the inevitable that God has created us wonderfully as a gay person. Our acceptance of Jesus as a Lord and Saviour is intricately linked to the acceptance of how wonderfully God has loved and created us.
We have managed to survive but we see that not many of those who went out with us has survived. They have fallen, and died spiritually when the church kicked them out. They are no where to be seen, their soul wonders aimlessly not knowing whether God will accept them again.
The rainbow lambs are scattered in the desert. They are crying out to God. They have escaped from their cruel religious slave masters from the mega cathedrals, yet they are now lost without faith nor hope. Their cries reaches the heavens to the throne room of God.
Bring them home, says the Lord of Hosts. We have become the band of angels sent by God.
Surely, we are not ready yet to go over to the other side of Jordan river. For, we have much work to do. We are called to build Apostolic churches where the five fold ministries of Apostles, Prophets, Evangelist, Pastors, and teachers becomes the foundation of a church that will bring healing and revival to the GLBT Christians.
We need the Holy Spirit power, annointing and presence to minister to those whose body has rot away and only skeletons remained. Their spirit calls out to Jesus to bring them back home and we are called like the band of angels riding the sweet chariots to fetch them in the desert.
Lord you have called us to drive the sweet chariots. We have nothing much but by the power of you love, grace and mercy, and a big heart of compassion for we too have been lost n the desert waiting for you to carry us back home.
We are called to pray and study the word of God like never before, for prayer is the foundation and the move of the Holy Spirit to build ministries to bring home GLBT Christians. The preaching and ministering of the Word of God will be ready when the saints comes marching in to return Home to God.
Lord, take us across the river of Jordan, where we can find rest and peace. Lord Jesus, carry me Home by the sweet chariots of angels.
May I look up to the heavens to see Your chariots swinging low by my way....
... maybe its time to go Home.